Let’s Burn Rubber

Cold metal runs beneath Collin’s fingertips. He plays with a silver tie clip; it’s as shiny as the day he received it. His stomach turns. It’s been upset for months. He knows he has to go through with it. He rolls over in his bed and reaches for the landline on his nightstand dialing his friend’s number. It rings twice before someone picks up.

    “Hey, Collin. What’s shakin’, bacon?” Addie’s voice chimes.

    “How do you always know when it’s me?” Collin asks.

    “Duh, because unlike you, I live in the twenty-first century where there’s caller I.D.”

    “Oh…”

    “Collin, I’m joking… ‘ha… ha’? So what’s up?”

    “I… I need to do something and it may not make any sense.”

    “Listen, Collin, I have a lot of homework to do, so blurt it out. You know I won’t judge you.”

    Collin throws his hand over his face and talks through it. “I want a road trip… to see Ty…”

    “AH — YES!” Addie yells. The soft sound of papers being thrown everywhere creeps through the phone. “I’ve been TELLING you we needed a road trip. I’m glad you listened to me.”

    “Didn’t you say you had homework to do?” Collin speculates.

    “That was like a minute ago. It’s Friday during summer semester! So, it’s finally happening?”

    “Yeah, I just… haven’t seen him in forever.”

    “Okay, lemme talk to my parental figures about it; I’ll call ya when I know what they say.”

    “Okay. Talk to you later, bye.”

    “Byyyyeee. Love you!”

    “Love you too.”

    Click. Collin places down his phone and gets up off his bed. Pale skin, bright blue eyes, black hair, and a rather lean body stares back at him. He throws on his red silk robe which is rather cold, but that feeling isn’t new. He races downstairs. Each step creaks from the old wood beneath his feet. Collin walks from the living room to the open kitchen. His mom is cooking while his kid brother sits at the bar eating eggs over easy and stabbing them with a fork. Collin turns his nose at it.

    “Good morning, Hugh Hefner,” Collin’s mom greets.

    “Hiya, Mom,” Collin says.

    She smiles and goes back to cooking. She’s making brunch. Collin walks over to the toaster to toast bread. The toaster glows shriveling the yeast cells and rendering the bread brown. It dings and is done, but the toast sticks. Collin starts poking at the toast, hitting the toaster, and then taking it and banging it against the counter.

    “Collin! What have we said about getting frazzled?”

    “It’s not what Elvis would do — he was a cool cat,” Collin says and droops his head. Collin sits down and starts eating the eggs his mother brought him. She made them the way he liked.

    “Hey, Mom, so I have a question…” Collin begins.

***

    “They’re letting me go!” Collin exclaims.

    “Really? That was a little easy,” Addie says incredulously.

    “I’m thinking she realized how important this is to me. I also think she feels guilty for not giving me as much freedom as every other eighteen-year-old.”

    “Hmm, I guess. My parents gave me the thumbs up, so I’ll be over in about an hour?”

    “Sure, see you then.”

    “See ya.”

    Collin hangs up his landline and turns around. He walks over to his dresser and opens his record player. He flips through a nearby stack of records shaking his head at Dean Martin, The Andrew Sisters, and Ray Charles. He settles for Frank Sinatra. He turns around and waltzes across the room to close his bedroom door. James Dean stares back at him as he locks the door.

    Collin ganders through his closet. He throws on black jeans, a white shirt, and a black leather jacket. He looks in the mirror and grabs some pomade to style his hair back into a pompadour. He remembers how he used to try the DA or “Duck’s Ass” hairstyle, but it made him laugh every time he fixed it, so that was a bust. He rummages around his desk to look for his keys and wallet; he finds them beneath his Sylvia Plath book of poems. He races out of his room and down the stairs. His mother and father are talking with each other; he sits down to put on his Chucks.

    “And you’ll call us when you get there, right?” his dad asks.

    “Yes, Dad,” Collin responds.

    “Take the cellphone. I don’t care if it’s not ‘retro,’ it’ll help us know you’re safe. Besides, it’s a flip-phone, so kinda old-school,” his dad says. Collin smiles and embraces his parents energetically. “Okay, sweetie. You’ll only be gone for the day, not a week,” his mom says.

    “I know,” Collin says with a smile.

    Knock-knock-knock

    “That’ll be Addie!” Collin shouts.

    “Have fun, be safe, don’t get into trouble! If you do drugs, be safe about it and don’t share needles!” his mom jokes.

    Collin shakes his head as he runs to the door. He opens it and is greeted by a bent over Addie wagging her ass side-to-side and looking over her shoulder at him.

    “Hi,” Collin greets.

    “Huh, no reaction?” Addie asks.

    “I’m used to your weirdness.”

    “And I’m used to you not getting my amazingness…”

    They hug and Addie chuckles. She always did something peculiar like that just for a reaction. They make their way to Collin’s car, a 1955 Ford Thunderbird. His parents said they’d only help him pay for it if he paid for half; it was as expensive as any modern Honda. It was also a high school graduation gift since he always received good grades.

    “Ugh I live for summer road trips!” Addie proclaims.

    “Let’s burn rubber, doll,” Collin jokes. They enter the car and Collin closes the door —

    Slam

    The early summer sun is scorching which makes sweat roll off every inch of Collin. His brother Robbie is out in the little league field kicking up dirt. The metal bleachers sear the back of Collin’s bare thighs which annoys him incredibly.

    “Mom, Dad, why are we here when Robbie is clearly not taking this seriously?” Collin asks.

    “We’re here to support your brother,” his mom says. “Sports are important to him. So, shush!” Collin simply rolls his eyes. He stands and starts walking off.

    “Where do you think you’re going, young man?” his father asks.

    “To the nearby playground. I can still see him from there,” Collin says.

    “Okay, just… be safe…”

    “Ugh, I’m seventeen, you don’t have to baby me.”

    His parents nod at him and he leaves. He walks a couple dozen yards and sits on a swing when he arrives; he scrapes his feet across the wood chips as he pushes himself back. Children dance around the playground giggling about who can jump the highest, run the fastest, and hold their breath the longest. Collin starts swinging, looks over at the little league field, and sees Robbie catch a flying baseball. 

    “Go Robbiiieee!” Collin cheers.

    “Is your brother in the game too?” comes a voice from behind Collin. Collin turns around and sees a boy grab the chains of the swing next to him. Sunlight makes Collin squint.

    “Um, yeah…”

    “My little brother Toby is in it. Hi, I’m Ty,” Ty introduces.

    “Hi, I’m Collin — I have high functioning autism.”

    Ty looks taken aback slightly; he rubs his mouth with his hand evaluating what to say next. Collin absorbs the moment analyzing this boy. He looks stalky wearing a slightly too tight T-shirt with some Columbus college logo on it. He looks bigger, yet not exactly overweight per say. Collin can see Ty’s light brown eyes flicker. He looks at Collin with a smile.

    “Cool,” Ty responds nodding his head. “I have a cousin with autism.”

    Ty smiles at him and Collin keeps a blank face. Ty raises his smile a little wider forcing awkwardness.

    “So, aren’t you a little big to be swinging?” Ty asks.

    “Nope, my mom and dad said it was okay,” Collin responds. Ty chuckles a little and Collin doesn’t; Collin was being serious. “You laugh strange.”

    “You’re a little strange yourself,” Ty says. “Don’t worry, I like strange people. You know, I have a feeling we’re going to be good friends, you and I.”

    Ty smiles at him and Collin manages to smirk back. Collin’s only true friend has always been Addie. So he wonders if something would form with Ty, not fizzle away like normal. He didn’t usually “get” people, so making friends wasn’t always easy for him. He closes his eyes.

    Blink

    Collin and Addie exit the car at a rest stop.

    “Thanks for stopping. I have to pee like a God-damn race horse!” Addie shouts as she waddles away to the restrooms.

    Collin decides to go as well bringing sanitizing wipes to clean the seat. He tries to ignore the nature of the stalls — disgusting and the toilet seat is cold too. When he finishes, Collin exits and walks back to the car where Addie is waiting.

    “I need a coffee to keep this party rollin,’” Addie says.

    “Alright, just don’t take too long. I’ll start the car,” Collin responds. He looks at his car and marvels at its beauty. He strokes the handle and feels the cold and smooth metal under his fingertips. It reminds him of the car at his favorite museum. He looks at it and he remembers the first time he hung out with Ty. The thought warms him temporarily from his numbness, yet he still feels longing; he reenters the car.

    Slam

    Collin exits his parents’ car and waves goodbye to them. They drive to a movie while he walks up grand stairs to the museum. He sees Ty waving at him from the entrance. September heat beats down on Collin’s shoulders.

    “Have you been here before?” Collin asks once he gets closer.

    “Hi, nice to see you too. Um, yeah. My girlfriend and I have come before,” Ty answers.

    “I love this place. My parents brought me when I was a kid. Addie and I have come sometimes too like to see the Body exhibit a few years back.”

    “Sweet. But why’s this place called COSI, though?”

    “It stands for Center of Science and Industry.”

    They enter, talk with the front desk lady, and pay for their tickets.

    “Come on, I want to show you my favorite exhibit!” Collin shouts.

    “You don’t have to yell — I’m right here,” Ty complains. Collin doesn’t notice because he’s racing up the stairs; he then leads Ty down several halls next. “Slow… down,” Ty pants.

    Collin leads Ty through an entrance called “Progress.” The exhibit is filled with artifacts and objects from the 1890’s. They see a plastic figure posing as an operator; there’s a massive power board where you can plug a cord from one area to the next. The original operators directing people’s calls. Collin presses a button which informs them about the room they’re in and what it is.

    “Whoa, vintage,” Ty says.

    “This isn’t even the best part!” Collin exclaims. He runs through the room and through another entrance.

    “Wait, Collin!?”

    Ty races after Collin and they emerge into a room with artifacts and objects from the early 1960’s. Older pastel-colored cars, blurry T.V’s, neon signs, and phone-booths decorate the exhibit.

    “Not as good as the ‘50s, but it’ll have to do,” Collin says. They walk around interacting with the many rooms filled with historical information. They push buttons for information, use a phone booth on the recreated street, and read an old newspaper from the era. “Would’ve been better if they made it the ‘50s.”

    “What’s with you and the ‘50s?” Ty asks.

    “I don’t know…”

    “But you clearly like that era.”

    “I guess it was probably when I learned about it in history class for the first time. It was before all the assassinations, before Vietnam… I like the fashion and music and I don’t know…”

    “That’s okay. We all have things we like. Just means you’re like a hipster or something.”

    “A what?”

    Ty and Collin exit the exhibit as Ty tries to explain what a hipster is. Collin doesn’t really understand and shuts his eyes tight to picture it.

    Blink

    Collin opens his door. He and Addie stretch. He fills up his tank and watches the numbers climb. He shakes his head and starts to get frustrated. Addie can tell.

    “It’s this damn tough-timed economy I tell ya!” she says to lighten the mood. Collin watches it go over $30.00 and he starts kicking the cement base of the gas pump. “Hey-hey-hey! Remember, that’s not what Elvis would do, he was a cool dude,” Addie says.

    “A cool cat… he was a cool cat. I’m a cool cat,” Collin sighs to calm down thinking of the mantra he was taught. Sometimes he’s glad when he gets angry because it gives him a break from pure nothingness. He places the gas nozzle back, hits “cancel” for a receipt, and reenters his car.

    Slam

    Collin flips through “A Look Into the 1950s,” Ty’s looking through college brochures on a wall, and Addie browses a feminist book nodding at pictures of naked female models. The bookstore is a little musty and dark, yet has a warm character to it.

    “Hmm, University of Pittsburgh looks nice,” Ty mentions.

    “You aren’t seriously considering moving? That’s hours to the east…” Collin says.

    “I don’t know… been thinking…  I’d visit my friends. Don’t worry…” Ty says. He looks at his phone and scrunches up his face. “My girlfriend asked if she looks attractive in this. What do you think?” Ty shows Collin his phone screen. Addie leans over from her shelf taking notice and sneers.

    “She looks how she looks I suppose,” Collin expresses.

    “Nice articulation. I’ll say she looks nice.” He puts down his phone and a second later it buzzes. “Fuck, that wasn’t the right thing, apparently. Um, she looks hot?” Ty says while Addie chuckles at him from the other side of her book.

    “Shh!” a bookstore clerk commands. Ty and Addie apologize to the clerk. The phone buzzes again. Ty reads it and sighs placing his face in his hands.

    “I get the slightest inclination that your girlfriend’s a bit of a drama queen,” Addie jests. “If you dated a boy, there’d be less drama.”

    “I’ve dated a boy before and they’re just as much drama. Come on, let’s get out of here and go get a pop,” Ty says. They get up and make their way outside. 

    “I need a cigarette,” Addie says. “Don’t worry, I won’t smoke near you guys.”

    “But you don’t really smoke,” Collin says.

    “I’m a social smoker,” she responds.

    “But Ty and I both don’t smoke…” 

    She rolls her eyes and walks away yelling an inaudible “whatever” over her shoulder. Collin and Ty walk to a vending machine while they wait. Late fall leaves dance around the machine in the wind. Their shoes crunch them as they step closer. Ty grabs a drink first, then Collin steps forward next and inserts three quarters; he presses for a Coke, but it doesn’t register the command. He presses the button again lightly, then vigorously, then starts pummeling the button.

    “Whoa, man,” Ty asserts. Collin continues hitting the machine. “Collin! Uh… Hey, listen. Elvis was cool, right?”

    “Yeah,” Collin says pausing.

    “So, Elvis was a cool cat and also cool tempered. He wouldn’t hit things when he got mad. Don’t you want to be like Elvis?” Collin stops now and touches the smooth curved plastic Coke button completely fixated. “Say it like a mantra. Elvis wouldn’t do that, he was a cool cat,” Ty presses. “Come on, we’ll share mine. Now, let’s go and paint the town, doll.”

    Ty threw his arm over Collin’s shoulders and they walk toward Addie’s plum of smoke half a block away. Collin took a drink and felt a fizzing slosh intensely in his stomach. Sunlight creeps over the tops of the buildings and flashes in Collin’s eyes.

    Blink

    “Thanks for stopping, I just needed a smoke,” Addie says sparking her lighter.

    “You’re welcome,” Collin says.

    “Collin… what are we doing? I thought you’d spill the beans like two hours ago. I mean, it’s been like three months since you saw him. Why now?”

    “It just… felt like the right time.”

    “The right time? Why?”

    Collin turns around and leans his back against the car. A warm tingling moves through his legs; a flushing sweeps up his stomach and into his torso. It crawls up his neck — a shiver up his spine which makes his hair stand on end — his ears and face ignite like Addie’s lighter. His cheeks tingle and his tear ducts rupture. His eyes flood and he tilts his back trying to slow the tears from falling. He takes in a gentle inhale through his nose creating a soft sniffle.

    “Why can’t you let him go? We all lose friends after high school. You were friends for less then a year anyway. You never really told me what happened after that night. You didn’t want to talk about it, so I respected your space,” Addie says before taking a draught and squinting at him awaiting an answer.

    Don’t cry. Stop crying you stupid little boy. You’re such a stupid boy, so stupid… stupid, Collin thinks to himself. Addie lifts on her toes to try and look over the top of the car and catch a glimpse of Collin’s face. 

    “I… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry before…” Addie says half jokingly. “Oh, shit. You’re crying!” She tosses her cigarette onto the gravel on the side of the road and races over to Collin. He shakes his head saying it’s “nothing,” but that doesn’t stop Addie from hugging him. “Collin… I’ve seen you get upset before, but not like this… tell me what’s on your mind.”

    “I just… I miss him so much. I have to see him again. I need to see him again… let’s keep driving and I’ll tell you. I just need to keep my mind busy right now,” Collin says.

    Slam

    Snow twirls outside. The February snow surrounds everything. For once, it’s light and fluffy. A car rolls into the driveway. Collin races to the door smoothing out his vest. A knock comes and he opens it up. Collin hugs Ty forcefully before he even steps inside.

    “Heya. How’re you? Listen, sorry I couldn’t hangout closer to your birthday,” Ty greets.

    “That’s fine, at least you’re here now. And I’m amazing,” Collin responds. Collin let’s go and closes the door. Ty unloads a night bag and then gives Collin a gift. Collin handed Ty a gift too.

    “No, it’s your birthday, not mine,” Ty jokes as he opens a flat package to find a framed picture of the two of them.

    “That’s so when you move to Pittsburgh, you won’t forget me,” Collin says. “How’s Becky taking it?”

    “She said the point of a boyfriend was to be here to treat her like a princess, not be far away. We’ll have to talk about long-distance,” Ty sighs. “And I won’t forget you, but I might forget Addie because she’s not in this picture. Where is she, by the way?”

    “Oh, she had to cancel tonight. She had work.”

    “Huh, she could’ve texted me. Probably afraid to lose against the ghost player in Cards Against Humanity again. Now, open your gift.” Collin opens a small box to find a sleek silver tie clip. He feels the cold smoothness beneath his fingertips. “I hope you like it. I just thought, it could hold you together when you lose your cool,” Ty explains.

    “It’s great! Very ‘50s,” Collin says. 

    Collin’s dad walks in and says, “Hey boys. How’re you, Ty? Family good?”

    “Yeah, we’re doing just fine,” Ty answers.

    “If you two need anything, just ask, okay?”

    “Alright, dad, thanks,” Collin says. “Shall we go to the basement and get a movie ready?” Collin gestures to the nearby basement door. Ty nods and they head downstairs. 

    “I’m going to go ahead and change into some PJ’s,” Ty says tossing his bag on the floor near the couch. Ty walks behind the couch and Collin turns around to flip through movies underneath the T.V. set calling over his shoulder which one sounded best; they both agree on (500) Days of Summer. Collin slides the thin DVD in his fingertips and then places it in. He stands up and walks to the couch rearranging pillows while Ty struggles to pull on a baseball styled T-shirt. Collin sits down on the couch and Ty leaps over the couch on his left. Collin continually hits the “menu” button hoping it will magically go faster. Ty places his hand over Collin’s.

    “Right, Elvis,” Collin acknowledges. He stops his assault on the button. His frustration subsides, but his stomach still feels flustered. Ty cracks his knuckles and shakes his hands. “Could you not pop your joints like that…?”

    “Sorry. It’s my writing hand, it cramps up,” Ty says.

    “Here, let me.”

    Collin grabs Ty’s hand and massages it. He shakes his hand back and forth applying pressure to multiple points. Ty lets out a gentle “mmm” noise and closes his eyes. Collin’s stomach turns from the recent fluster to a jolt. A slight sweat beads over the top of his lip. What is this? Am I getting sick? Collin worries. The movie arrives at the menu and Collin releases Ty’s hand snapping him out of his daze. Collin presses “play” to start the movie. The temperature lowers for the night-time “cozy’s” as his mom would call it which makes Collin shiver slightly. Ty grabs a blanket from the back of the couch and throws it over their laps. Ty’s arm brushes Collin’s and his arm and entire body is struck with goosebumps. I’m definitely getting sick, Collin stresses.

    Collin can feel his back sag and grow tired as the movie plays. He was tired from the long day; he starts to sink deep into the couch. Ty conforms to him as if they had both entered a dance and were in sync. The next thing Collin knew, he’s lying directly behind Ty. Ty’s scent rises from his neck and Collin notices it’s Ty’s natural body odor; half like clean laundry and half like a musk. Not sweat exactly, just, a man’s body without the overpowering Axe or OldSpice some boys bathe in. Ty’s toes move and stir Collin’s. They move their feet over one another’s. Collin thinks his stomach might erupt. His chest feels as if it’s glowing like if you could see inside, it would exude the light of the sun. Collin watches as the movie shows the main characters confess love and kiss. He thought about how his parents kiss after they say they love each other. He wonders if that’s something he could ever do and if he could, what would that look like, feel like, taste like… Ty rolls onto his back and stares into Collin’s eyes.

    “Collin… what are we doing?” Ty asks bemused.

    Collin leans in and presses his lips against Ty’s allowing them to purse more fully after a second or two. Collin strokes Ty’s hair lightly before he pulls away.

    “What the fuck are we doing. Fuck. This is cheating. I’m a cheater now… I have to go,” Ty says rolling out from under Collin.

    “But, wait — no. I’m sorry. Don’t leave, please,” Collin pleads standing up.

    “I… I have to tell my girlfriend now. She’s already mad at me — shit-fuck.”

    “I wasn’t thinking, it’s not your fault.”

    “But I didn’t stop you. I just… I can’t, Collin. I’m sorry, but that was bad, don’t you get that? I did something wrong.”

    “I do. I — I, I can fix it, just let me—”

    “What? What can you do?”

    Collin stays silent and Ty pauses. They stare at each other for what felt like an hour. The front door creaked open and Addie’s voice rang out, “Collin, Ty? I got outta work early and decided to come over. Not like I could’ve texted you…” Ty breaks away and grabs his bag to leave. Addie walks down the stairs. Ty brushes past her hiding his distraught face. His departure tears a void in Collin. He collapses to his knees. His lungs are dense like a ship sinking miles below sea level, his stomach concave, his eyes twinge releasing a flood of tears. Addie rushed to him asking what went wrong. He closes his eyes from the pain as she hugs him.

    Blink

    Collin exits his car. Addie gives him a nod of assurance as she steps out with him; they walk up to the building. The door is locked. A keycard is needed which only students have. He turns around looking at Addie wondering what to do when two girls exit the building — they sneak in. Clutching a piece of paper, Collin moves up in an elevator to floor three with Addie. He swings a right and walks down the hall. 

    “Should I come with you or wait in the lobby?” Addie asks.

    “Um… you can wait. My mom said I need to learn how to start doing things on my own,” Collin says.

    Addie rubs his arm for encouragement and then leaves. Collin walks down the hall and finds dorm 63. He knocks. Nothing. Again. Nothing. He sinks next to the door. Swiping on his phone, Collin tries to not let the feeling of defeat sink in. He texts his parents that he’s there and then he texts Addie. She tells him to not abandon his task. He rests his head against the door and feels a swelling in his stomach again.

    “Collin?” comes a familiar voice. Collin looks over his shoulder and sees Ty holding a basket of laundry. “What are you doing here and how’d you find me anyway?” Ty asks.

    “I asked your mom awhile ago and she helped me. I guess she still likes me,” Collin says. Ty tilts his head back and they both stay there in silence for a moment, both not knowing what to say. Collin stands up and dries the nervous sweat from his palms on his pants. They both gaze around the corridor as if something would pop up and start a conversation to make the situation less awkward.

    “I don’t dislike you, you know…” Ty finally utters.

    “But, you never talked to me… I waited… three months I waited,” Collin says somberly.

    “I shouldn’t have ignored you. That was wrong of me. I was just… confused. I don’t know. After I broke up with Becky, I felt like I lost you too; our friendship that is, or what our friendship was… what it became.”

    “You didn’t lose me, though. I came here for you. I didn’t just call you or write a letter.”

    “Okay, well… why’d you kiss me that day then? Because friends don’t do that…”

    “Ty, when I’m around people, I normally feel this,” Collin articulates by making his hand into waves. “But when I’m around you, I feel this;” Collin waves his hands wildly less resembling waves and more resembling a tsunami. Ty’s mouth opens slightly. “And I don’t always know how to express these things inside me or show them and I did something stupid and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me for messing up?” Ty stays silent and looks at his feet.

    “I… don’t know what to say,” Ty expresses.

    “Well, I had to say that because this has plagued my dreams,” Collin confesses.

    “I… I can’t deal with this right now, I need to get to class.” Ty enters his dorm and remerges with a book bag. “I’m sorry you wasted your trip on a piece of shit like me because I have nothing to say to you other than I wish it hadn’t gone that way. I don’t blame you. Maybe I blame myself… But I — I just, I can’t right now.” Ty walks away with surging red eyes shaking his head.

    Addie drove Collin home. Not a word was exchanged other than bathroom breaks and snacks, mostly just Addie’s furrowed brow and worrisome glance from time-to-time. Collin didn’t notice how long it took to return home. The trip back always feels quicker anyway, but it’s more so this time because of how numb he is. Collin feels like an eggshell with no yolk inside — hollow and fragile. When they return home, it’s late at night. He exits the car and walks to his house. Normally, he would give a passionate hug goodbye to Addie, but not this time.

    “I’ll come over to check in on you, okay?” Addie says tenderly. “Collin?”

    Collin gives a weak thumbs up and then goes up to his room, removes his clothes, and passes out on his bed. The next morning, Collin awoke to searing eyes from intense weeping all night. He lays in bed all day barely moving an inch. His mom knocks, but he doesn’t want to talk, so she tells him to come to her and his dad when he’s ready. Addie comes over too and knocks on his door, but he shoos her away as well.

    “I’ll call you later, okay?” Addie says.

    Addie left and Collin stares at the ceiling from his bed. He slowly massages his eyes to soften the puffiness. He lays there unmoving for hours. Later, his landline rings and he barely looks at it missing the call. The phone rings again and he slowly moves his arm towards it. He let’s his hand dangle on the side of the bed missing it again. When the phone rings for a third time, he grabs it because he doesn’t want Addie to worry about him. He pulls it to his ear. Silence.

    “Collin?” comes a familiar voice. Collin remains silent and considers hanging up on Ty. “I had to be excused from class yesterday. I um, couldn’t stop crying it seems,” Ty sniffles lightly. He sounds drunk, or tired, or both. “Funny, I told you I had nothing to say and that was complete bullshit. The truth is… the truth is…” Collin can hear Ty rub his mouth trying to form words; it reminded him of the day they met. “I forgive you — but I also encouraged you and I’m sorry for confusing you… I was wrong by doing that. I miss our friendship, Collin and I’ve missed you,” Collin twirls the phone cord wanting to hangup and show him a what-for, but those familiar butterflies return to his stomach and aren’t letting him. Collin asks himself what reason he should have for not hanging up, and it dawns on him: he can’t let go of the one person who he was always able to express his emotions freely with. Those people just don’t come by often. “Will you hear me out?” Ty requests. Collin contemplates it still.

    “Okay, but I have the right to hangup if you upset me,” Collin sighs.

    “Understandable. Okay, so let’s talk. I was wrong and—” Ty begins.

    Collin feels the pit in his stomach softening — finally.