What it’s like to be a Woman

Sometimes, men suck.

Now, don’t get me wrong — I love men

This isn’t to say that “all men” suck

That would be blind, idiotic, and kind of a dick move to lump every man into one.

However, criticism should be served where it’s due

If you don’t stop those that deserve it, more may follow

So how do you know when one is wrong?

I’ll tell you…

Once a man said to me: mmm, boy, you just look so good in this light. Your neck is so long and with those glasses, you look like Clark Kent. You should just be my Clark Kent. Oh, you do yoga? Heh, I can just imagine bending you over into all kinds of positions. That would be so hot. Take a look at this dick, I am so hot. Boy, I just wanna mmm stick this tongue inside you. That ass looks so good, I just want to take this finger and, well, you know. Heh, I could take you right here. Fuck, I’m horny. Why are you holding back? Wouldn’t you like that? I know you would. No, don’t worry — I’ve been tested. Listen, I travelled this far to see you, so you should give me head for all my trouble. What’s the matter, isn’t this what you wanted? Why are you a tease, are you holding out on me, were you leading me on? Don’t you feel comfortable right now…? What’s wrong? Isn’t this a first date? We should go out again. I guess the ball is in your court.

And that is when it’s wrong.

Okay, so where the fuck do you get off? And Clark Kent, what the actual fuck? I am not your property. I’m not “your” anything. These glasses help me to see. Yes I do yoga, but I haven’t been practicing for years for your sorry ass; I do it for me. You can imagine doing whatever you like to me because that’s the closest you’ll ever get; and your penis is actually pretty average, so stop boasting. I have one too. I know what it fucking looks like. It’s nothing new to me. You will be sticking nothing nowhere… I don’t care if you’re horny. That’s just called being human, pull yourself together. I’m sure you’ve been tested, everyone has and no one has any diseases ever… And you know what, fuck you, you came all this way? We met halfway you moron. Holding back? Being a tease? When I said, “I only want to make out,” what the hell do you think that meant? To me, that means I only want to make out. A date… now you want this to be a date? Because this isn’t how I have dates. I don’t date assholes. But don’t worry, I’ll “text you later.”

That experience perplexed me. I wondered, is this what it’s like to be a woman?

Afraid to walk down a dark street alone at night?

Feeling sexually obligated when someone pressures you?

Then I think. Unfortunately, yes