Dear Mr. President

• Italics below were read aloud in a monotone, drawling way to mimic Donald Trump's voice

Dear Mr. President,

First off, no, I do not think you are the worst American president ever; however, I also don’t believe you’re a very fantastic POTUS either. So, my complaints are as follows:

    1. Your travel ban was just tragic. It was ill-prepared, poorly executed, and wrong. I wonder if your wife is also included in your recent immigration constrictions

    2.  You are too focused on building a wall so HUGE that your ego has inflated along with it making you believe that you can rival China for their wall and their economy. Of course, your wall will fail miserably. But who knew wall building could be so complicated?

    3. Farther north, you approved the Dakota Access Pipeline in your quest to initiate an America first mentality. It’s interesting that you’re putting America first while you’re shitting on the natives of this land who have a greater right to this country than we do. I think you are such a nasty man for allowing harm to come to our citizens in this way

    4. You claim you’re like Bernie Sanders for standing up to the bigly corporations.You will find in complaint #3 an example of when you allowed a company to take advantage of human beings, thus creating the Standing Rock tragedy. You were wrong-wrong-WRONG for doing that

    5. The Standing Rock incident is another example of why I not only despise the capitalistic world because of the powers corporations hold, but also of the gas and coal industries. Their carelessness damage our world. But I’m sure you don’t believe that because those are just “alternative facts” concocted by the liberal media. I’m sure you believe you have all the best facts, the most very best facts because you’re currently receiving your intel from Steve Bannon. The future is created from the past and history repeats itself, Mr. President, because no one was listening the first time — that’s why Steve Bannon is the Dick Cheney to your George W. Bush.

    6. And finally, you probably won’t consider these complaints to be valid. You also most likely believe that you have done nothing wrong. After all, you can’t violate the Constitution if you have never read it…

Sincerely,

Ehron Arthur Ostendorf